By the River

Arriving again at the river he had crossed, Siddhartha stares into the water, ashamed of what he has become. He feels lost, since there is nowhere left to go. He had lived amongst the people, became a lover and a merchant, yet this path was a dead end. What shall he do now? Clutching a tree at the water's edge he decides that the only solution is to drown himself, thus putting an end to his misery. The songbird of his dream returns to memory, and he thinks the bird is his inner essence that has died. He had been pure before in his youth, but had come to live a life contradicting that, a life filled with sin and excess. All values seem to be lost, and Siddhartha realizes how arrogant he has been. All along he had ridiculed everyone else, but he has become one of them himself. Considering himself to be a failure, the old man prepares to fall down beneath the water, pausing to see his reflection staring up from the river's surface.

While seeing this reflection of himself in the water, Siddhartha utters the old word Om. Just as he had an awakening on the other side of the river before going to Samsara, he awakens again, and all thoughts of suicide cease. He realizes that these thoughts only follow the same childhood path he had followed before as the Brahmin's son and as a Samana, to destroy his Self by simply destroying his body. But the Self is not in his physical body, and neither is the Atman he wanted to understand. Suicide would accomplish nothing. Exhausted by this revelation, Siddhartha falls into a deep sleep, laying there at the foot of the tree near the water. Feeling as if he has been reborn into another life, he awakens hours later. In one day he has already drastically changed from the person he had been in Samsara; he recalled the word Om, the unity of Brahman the creator, and begun to find his peace.

He notices an older man nearby dressed in monk's robes, sleeping. Oddly, it is his old friend and shadow Govinda who had left Siddhartha's side to become a follower of Buddha. Govinda does not recognize him since Siddhartha has changed so much while he himself has remained the same, devout and faithful. Govinda explains that he was worried to see a man sleeping so close to the river and stayed to be sure that he was safe. Realizing that this is Siddhartha, Govinda criticizes him for wearing such rich clothes. Enlightened, Siddhartha is calm and attempts to explain things, although Govinda does not really understand, "The wheel of appearances revolves quickly, Govinda. Where is Siddhartha the Brahmin, where is Siddhartha the Samana, where is Siddhartha the rich man? The transitory soon changes, Govinda, You know that". Unsure of what Siddhartha is trying to say to him, Govinda continues on his own pilgrimage to spread the Buddha's teachings. Although Govinda is confused, Siddhartha's thoughts become as clear as ever.